Where you exist...

How do I feel? Numb. Emotional. Paradox. Today is the 3rd month of my Dad's leaving, dying quietly taking his final breath as he lay in peace on a bed of soft memories of his family. This in some way was bearable in the unbearable memories of the past few months when a man of strength who could take on the world became a man who could not take the walk from a bedroom to the lounge. Leukemia robbed me of my Dad. I hate this disease with every fibre of my being. It came like a monster with no remorse, not even looking to make a deal so that it would leave as fast as it came. No, this was a disease that took no prisoners.

But my Dad did not let this stop him. He fought. Like a warrior dressed in white armour he threw himself full force against this disease, giving all he could to try and beat this uninvited thing. He fought right until the end, even taking on one final chemotherapy treatment saying to the monster in front of him, "I will beat you!" His faith throughout his 6 months of sickness hardly wavered, and when it did, we his loving family were there for him. In some ways he did win. He was taken away from all the pain that he was in and is now in no pain and no fear. He is safe.

I hope he misses us, misses me as much as I miss him. Why was he taken God? Why was he put through so much, while I stood watching knowing I could do nothing to help while everything inside of me was crying out to save him. What gives anything the right to take someone you love, without at least some form of competition.

But then again, my Dad never gave up and in the end when he relaxed into a greater life that we will only know one day, he won. Through God he defeated death. He stands triumphant next to God, knowing he lead a life that made his Dad, God, proud. And I am proud of him, we all are. It does not stop the pain of missing him, but I am proud of my Dad in how he lived his life, through love, faith, hope, and undying faith in his maker. And even if I do not talk to God as much as I did normally, I know He understands. And I hope Dad, you can read this or read my heart as I pour it this afternoon. You know I love you Dad; please never forget that. And know you are missed above and beyond anyone and everything that I know.

P.S. Please be with Mom if that's ok :)

Forgiveness and Trust

This past week on the streets has been one of trust. Trust damaged and trust gained. From Amo to a newly grown trust with Papani. Papani's story will be in the next blog due to Amo's story being a bit long. Amo, aka "BabyJakes" (64yrs) has been used to being on the streets, wonderful character and positive when he has the energy. Great to talk to, except when what I call the "Devil of the streets" - alcohol and the other one highly used by the kids, glue. When Amo is on the "Zorba" at R17.50 bottle that takes me around 5 mins to get through, the red Devil turns him from Amo to an unhappy, angry, and random swearing. I love this guy, and it hurts when I see him clamped in the grip of the red Devil. I cannot do anything when he is under the influence.

When someone is under the influence of anything, I think those words are so true - you are under the influence of something, someone else. And when this happens, you cannot do much but watch. He will swing a random punch at you linked from his days in the 60's when he was a semi pro boxer (hence the nickname, BabyJakes) and you have to step back and let the influence almost rule his emotions, waiting for it to slowly release it's tireless grip. Leaving him with the whiff of the promise of glory and sweet surrender to the roads he is on. I do understand why he is doing this. And also why the community does not find faith in him. The streets are his ghost of memories, and to the community he is the memories that they want to be a ghost in the past left behind. Never easy to deal with the mix; at times I do not know what to do. This week I tried to deal with both emotive people and find him somewhere to live, a retirement home that Amo asked for me to get him into.



You will understand that I was very excited to hear about this. This was something that Amo approached me to do. He recognised his problem of alcohol and wanted to be off the streets and in his words "did not want to die on the streets an old man." So I duely found the place he wanted to go, "Thembalani" in Edenvale, a suburb about 20 minutes drive away from Melville. It was a step out for me to do; life now on the streets is becoming more "hands-on", where people need and share their trust with me for tangible help. Such as this with Amo. We shared trust that I would help him, and trust that he would go to this place. I will admit I was unsure if he would go, but he was adamant he would go if I could help. Well, unfortunately that trust was broken.

In a short form, I went there, collected all the forms, spoke to the right people, did what I had to and then when I came back to Amo with it all, well in my view he threw it all back in face saying he actually did not want to go there. He just wanted to organise his Pension and he knew of a better place to go to if he had his Pension. These blogs need to be honest and real for what is happening on the streets, so this is not a pity party for me, it is just a reality of what is happening on the streets. Trust is not given, it is earned. So this took a big hit into my trust and belief into what he said to me and basically about my driving, helping him etc. Don't worry, I will not let this stop me doing what I do. It will just keep me slightly wary of the talk on the streets.

I will try and help him get his pension, but I will not help him to find this place that he speaks about what sounds like Heaven. He says he will get in easily once his Pension is sorted, but I unfortunately do not believe it will be that easy. I hope it will not happen, but I do not think that this will happen as he believes it will. People say many things on the streets, and the ones looking for any hope out there will grab onto anything. And too many times, hope slips away as does the person who gave it out.

So what should my approach be? Tough love as in trying to help him get his Pension and then let hem go in what direction he will go, or should I do more, turn the other cheek and try trust more. It is a fine line of being used and giving love; I still love Amo and his life and what he needs. But I do not think we are called to be mats that people walk on and use for themeselves only. I also have to love, give hope and allow it to shine it to them. But I also have to be wise and not to be used because I am "the nice guy who helps on the street." I do not think there is a set open answer. The only truth is that God is the over-seeing hope, and in His given wisdom to us, we hopefully make the right the choices....

Redeeming sounds of Easter

I was planning to title this blog "Pride comes before the pain" or "The redeemed life of Gareth J Moore" but the latter sounds like a Lemony Snicket movie style and the first well, it's true but there is so much more to understand from this blog. So "Redeeming sounds of Easter" covers it well I think. I recently found out on my blog that I can make chapters, as in a book per say. So it is very apt that I end this first chapter “Redemption songs” of my contiunig blogs, with a short story of what the chapter meant to me. It actually happened on Sunday, being Easter and that in Jesus’ resurrection the world was redeemed of it’s sin and pain. This is the absolute truth, and I knew this for the wider part, the world so to speak. But in a painful way I learnt the golden truth of what Jesus’ resurrection meant and the following redemption.

Pride is something that is like a chameleon, how it hides and pretends not to be in anything we do or are involved with. And then just when we think we have had it all worked, it appears ever so softly and smoothly. It is so easy to be unaware of pride until it is too late. I hit that wall, pride and pain, all in one on Sunday. My whole past week had been a hard one but a powerful one with my time with God and understanding things more than I knew I could. And just as I got to the point of fully standing tall after the week, bam…I got knocked off my feet. And pride and pain collided. I will not go into any details, but just to say that looking back on my week I had a sense of pride in myself and what I had achieved but to a point that I thought I had it all worked out and me and God were kicking it. Which we were, but my pride had blinkered my view. I could only see the greatness of what happened over the week and I must admit, without thinking I had gone into that scary place called “God mode.” If you have ever played a pc or playstation game that involves a quest for example, you can build your character up so much that he can get into a mode that just obliterates everything in front of him. But here is two lessons I learnt from this mode – Number one; God mode is normally only available through cheat code, which you type in and then you get the whole bang shoot. Number two – this mode can either blind your view of the game, allow you to take over the game but not really play it and…it sometimes can run out.

I hit the “God mode” on Sunday. I had the week of my life so to speak, one that I will remember and hold onto for hopefully my whole life. And on the Sunday, the Resurrection day of Easter, I hit the wall called pride, that nudged me onto sin and then the pain that followed. Definitely yes, the week was so big that Satan did not like it and wanted to see me wipe out, but also I feel that pride came and allowed me to trip up. And I am sure you will know, what pain feels like when you have hurt someone you dearly love. Me and God. I am not going into any details, it was not earth shattering but for me it was. And I felt like I had let God down, hurt him and our relationship, especially because it was Easter Sunday. That slight “God mode” built up over the week, and then the cheat/pride ended and I realised that things around me would bite and hurt me again. Pride is a vicious creature. Just like the chameleon but thinking back, it comes with thorns all over it. I understood when Paul speaks about “The thorn in his side,” meaning that we all have something that is there that will trip us up if it has the opportunity to do it. All it needs a little prod from Satan and the rest we do ourselves.

I realised too though, that I hit the floor not just because of pride but also because my week was such a good one spiritually. And in this, you are more open to a small push in the wrong direction and the double whammy. In a nutshell, one of my good friends dropped what he was doing and came round to pick me up so to speak. And in our talking, one thing stuck out so well for me, and wow, what a truth that I only fully took in now. Jesus had died, and been resurrected for that one reason – Redemption! Redemption for the world and redemption for me. In the place I was in. Right at that moment I realised where God was in all of this, and over the last few days I finally understood that God did not hate me, He did not hold anything against me, and yes our friendship was still there. Intact and ready for me to climb back onto.

The biggest thing I learnt was that no matter where we are at, Jesus has redemption waiting for us. Otherwise the resurrection would be meaningless. Ressurection goes hand in hand with Redemption. And this is on offer to everyone, not just the good people. In fact sometimes I feel it is on offer to the “bad” people even more. Where we feel that we have done the unforgiveable, or we are in place in life that we believe that no-one can love or accept ever….this is why Easter happened. Redemption. In the dictionary, “Redeem” is understood as follows (keep with me here)

▸ verb: convert into cash; of commercial papers
▸ verb: pay off (loans or promissory notes)
▸ verb: exchange or buy back for money; under threat
▸ verb: save from sins

Is that not awesome? Let’s look at, to be redeemed is “to exchange or buy back for money; under threat.” This is exactly what Jesus did for us; you and me. Our lives were and are still under threat from sin. We have an option to have the creator of earth, and ourselves, to become our personal friend and also to be someone who sits with us as we go through rough times. I still do not know how people can go through rough times without God. No idea. And going back to the verb of exchanging and buying back…Jesus bought us back in exchange with putting Himself on the cross with all of our sins. Look at all the verb explanations and you will see Jesus is in all of them.

And the greatest of them is the last one. Redeem is “saving from sins.” Jesus came to redeem our lives, pull us out of the dung and things that we struggle with, sin, things that block us off from a relationship with God. That’s why Jesus died on the cross and then resurrected 2 days later. For a redeemed relationship with God. This is why I now realise from my week and the past few days, that I am so lucky to know God and what Jesus did. He payed off my sins, exchanged my sins for His love and acceptance and saved me from myself. To have a life of knowing “why am I here on earth” and what happens after life ends. And to be able show God’s love to others in my actions, reactions and speech. And to know that even if I mess up, His love is unconditional and comes with a 100% amazing friendship, with the King of the Universe. I am so so lucky, blessed!

And this is why I must end this first chapter, singing the song of love that God has placed in my heart and showed me over the weekend. Not just for me to sing to myself. But to the world. Don’t let the song pass you by – the Redemption song. It is a beautiful sound; just take a moment to hear the words of Ressurection and Redemption resounding in the symphony of Jesus’ actions.

This is the Redemption Song. Listen to it all around you.

And it is so so beautiful.

Waiting with bated breath

Now. The day that separates the death and the ressurection of Jesus Christ. This is the evening when hopes are heard, hearts are listening, and that feeling of waiting...on breaths that are hanging. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. This is the night before the light. Before the resurrection. And even though we know that it will happen, we still lie waiting. Holding our breaths as if we have no idea what will happen tomorrow.

How is this possible? Marriane Williamson penned; "We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone." All creation is groaning, waiting on what will happen on Ressurection Day; Easter. Yes, this happened thousands of years ago, but I know for myself, I am waiting for tomorrow as if it was a brand new day holding the hope of every single person in this world. Easter has not arrived yet! We as the original disciples can live the rest of today and tonight not fully knowing what tomorrow may bring. Yes, we live our lives as Christians knowing that Jesus rose from the dead...but what I am trying to emphasise is that we should not take that for granted. The whole of this week was a build up towards Good Friday, and then heading into Easter. Good Friday was the day of brokeness, realisation of what Jesus had gone through in that week. He had lived that week as us, humans. Was he scared? Was he in pain? Was he in angst and unable to sleep? Yes! BUT YET He still went through it all, showing His humanity, even in the tears and cries before He was taken away to begin His walk to the cross.

What a saviour! And what a man. All in one. God and humanity. Today, going into early evening I am so aware that the wait is not over. The wondering and hoping for tomorrow's miracle is not yet over. We should not and cannot take Easter and Jesus' resserection for granted. Jesus' reserrection is the GREATEST thing that has ever and will ever happen. Jesus died and rose again for one reason. Us.

This weekend is the ending that began in the manger when Jesus was ..."born to maninfest the glory of God that was and is within Him." We dare not take this "middle day" for granted. Yes, we are waiting for what we already know has happpened, but we neeed to wait with baited breath for the first light of Easter day to hold in reverence what Jesus did for us. Then we can experience Easter day as a child, as if seeing Jesus for the first time. To meet with Him again, and in all the awe and passionate thanks that has built up over this past week, and throughout our whole lives, we see Him rise again in our lives. He has come to save the world, show His glory and become one with us.

So as Easter day approaches, hold onto this evening as children waiting for something they know is good. This precious evening, where faith and awe become greater than ourselves. "At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, so they walked in." (Luke 24:1-2)

Can we save ourselves?

Last night I watched a movie called “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.” I have not been so touched emotionally by a movie for such a long, as I was tonight.

The movie is about 2 boys from completely different sides of the tracks, and the hidden friendship that grows between them. The one comes from a rich well off background, while the other comes from a broken and lost one. One of them wears smart suits and expensive clothes that tie him to his father’s work, and the other boy’s clothing is nothing but blue and white striped “pajamas.” And he has not seen his father since he went off to work a few days ago. The first boy’s Father is a General in a ruling army, while the other boy’s Father is a watch maker. Both of the boys are eight years old but they are separated by one thing. Race. One comes from a English German background, while the other comes from a Jewish background. One destined to be protected by a brain washed community and one destined to be unprotected by their ethnicity. I will not tell you how it ends, but the movie will leave you stirred emotionally.

This move made me think of humanity and the atrocities that are done in the name of people who are brain washed into thinking their actions are right. We are the only species of Mammal that kills others for no reason at all. All others kill for living necessity. Why do we do this? Why Germany and the Jewish nation? Why Rwanda and cultural differences? Why America and Iraq? This is not a blog that will get too much into the politics and so forth; this is just a blog where I ask the question, why? The war between Israel and Palestine has been going on since Biblical times and now it is at a point where no-one knows why. The pain from all the above is felt by God, and if a movie pulls my heart, I just can’t imagine how God must feel when He sees His people attacking each other. Some even saying it is done in His name. In U2’s new cd, there is a song called “Get on your boots” which speaks about the mess that man has made of the world, so it’s time for the woman to take over and see how they do. Funny maybe? Truth maybe? There is no answer why people do such atrocities, fight in wars, use race or culture as reasons. All I know is that we are specie that needs help.

Even now, each one of us has the potential to hurt someone, even kill if not thinking. Sure, this is not an epidemic such as the above examples, but we need to address our symptoms of humanity. Anger, retribution, justice. Think of a car that’s just cut you off, a person who jumps the queue you have been in for 10 minutes. The thief who has broken into your car…this happened to me last week and as the thief ran off, without thinking I jumped into my car and searched for him all around the area. With one thought; seek and knock him off my bumper. I was not thinking, blind rage mixed with adrenaline – a very bad cocktail. I did not find him, and I drove back to the church where I was (yes, thieves don’t mind where the car is!) and I sat back in my chair, heart racing and realising that I could have done something stupid.

I go back to my point that we are a specie that needs help. All the help we can get. Because no amount of mortars, tank and gun fire, machetes and gases will stop blood shed. We cannot stop ourselves from destroying ourselves. In the movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” the alien is asked why he is here, why he has to wipe out humanity. His answer was, speaking about humanity, “If you survive, the earth will die. If you die, the earth survives.” I believe as a generation now, we have more and more responsibility for our actions, being it in business, politics, academics, wherever we can touch other people. We do not have the luxury of sitting back and watch things break apart around us. This generation is called to stand for what is right and protect our moral codes, our passion to see change in our countries, stop wars, atrocities, personal vendettas. How? This can start at grass root levels, with small things around us and affecting others. Think of it as a stronger level of the movie “Pay it forward.” But there is one thing we have to be aware of, and that is by ourselves as humanity, we have no chance to make the changes we need. In ourselves, others, countries and the earth we live on. One of the reasons we were put on earth was to protect it, and protect ourselves in the process. Are we doing this? We are a species that needs help, to help other our earth species. And the only way we are going to achieve this is by realising we need help from the creator of all species of life, God.

We are not here just by chance for a short term life where we can please ourselves, look out only for ourselves and then one day just die. For what? And where to after we die? What is going to be written on our gravestones? Why did we live our lives; what did we do that is worthy to be engraved in stone? We are not here just to do the school, study, white picket fence with a good job etc. If we were created by the King of all species, the King of the entire universe, would we not have a greater purpose than just the “9 to 5” life?

I can blog more on that later, but let’s realise (in the band Lifehouse’s lyrics), “We were meant to live for so much more.” This generation could very well be the one that changes humanity and history. Look past yourself and see a bigger plan than you have ever dreamt of. And the bigger person that holds it all - God. There is more to life than this. Let's take it on, and own this generation of hope.

Holding a star in my hand

Late last night I had such an amazing moment, a.... I will struggle to put this to words. While others were sitting watching tv, reading a book, or just hanging;

I was on top of the world. Not as a saying "I was on top of the world," but in the real sense. I was seriously on top of the world. I saw the earth from space. The lights turning into one slightly far off circular view of the earth that we know of it. Here is where you can be a sceptic if you would like, tell me I am talking nonsense and maybe was just not sleeping well. I probably would do the same. But I do not really mind what is thought of me; I just know what I saw and who I met.

I was sitting on top of a cloud with God next to me. What did he look like? I did not even look really; I just knew it was Him because I did. And sitting in His love. That was an amazing feeling. I could see earth below, to the point I know how it feels to see earth from space, as an astronaut. Just without any of the cumbersome NASA spacesuit. I cannot even begin to describe to you what I felt, and still do. The expanse around me...was just...wow. Takes your breath away until you feel you can't breath because of the realisation that you are in space, the enormity of the galaxy. I could see stars upon stars, comets continuing their flickering path past earth. The minute lights coming from earth. And just taking it in. As best as I could hanging over the cosmic depth of beauty. His Glory.

God then put His hand inside a soft velvet bag, and drew out a handful stars and then tossed them into the open sky. They spread out, causing what could only be called a cosmic firework. The beauty of it just made me sit, in awe. The beauty, the colour. Take one of man-made's best fireworks and think of it as nothing. For this was not a man-made firework. This was a heavenly firework made for one thing; to show God's glory. He threw another handful of stars down towards earth and it formed itself into a tight bunch and flew past Earth in one giant flash of fire. A comet that we see once in awhile and do not fully take in. He offered me a handful of stars;I held a star in my hand; green, it was alive and it danced in open hand. Looking at me, I somehow knew it was a baby star in all of it's excitement as it danced not for me, but for it's maker. I heard God name it "Darkey"...called to be a bright light within the darkness. As it heard it's name, it looked at me and then shot straight up, small star flakes falling around it. And then another star was born. Everything out there, from the earth with us and nature, the vast expanse of the stars, all out there for one and only one reason. To show off God's Glory.

We played a game "Guess the Country" where He would place his finger on the earth that was now a bit closer. He would close His eyes and guess, and as the game continued the earth became closer, guessing towns, building growing and guessing cities until we humans zoomed in to myself and God's view. He would put his finger on every person, and as they were touched they glowed a different colour to the person next to them. He named them by name, every one. He knew us, showing that we were individuals and He definitely knew us by name.

Earth pulled away, and He began to name some of the stars around us. I asked Him what had been on my heart for years, "Am I a friend of Yours?" He looked at me and said "Why else would you be up here?" He chuckled. I felt like a kid with God, but not a in a non-mature childish way. But a kid in the recognition of His splendour. I think that's why God wants us to be like children. To be able to recognise His splendour. Not to overthink or over question. Just to realise who God is, His love for us as a Father. And that all He makes is for His Glory. No other reason.

And then I fell asleep and woke up where I began. On the floor, in my house. But so aware of where I had been, and where I knew no-body could make me doubt. I had been with God last night in a physical way and I know that my life will never ever be the same again. Never.

By the way, the photo above is of a string of galaxies. One string...of many and many strings showing off God's Glory to the next string of galaxies. And the next, and the next, and the next. We are God's Glory. May we shine brighter than any star high above us. For His Glory. For His Glory.

"Learning to lament in a culture of denial."

"Laments expose the dangerous truths we're inclined to suppress."




Wow. I have to back for awhile and try and take that in. Wow Earlier yesterday evening I was listening to a teaching by Rob Bell on a topic called "Learning to lament in a culture of denial." I listened to it because of a recommendation by my mentor, because I realised I still had not fully dealt with things with me and God. I was still angry, hurting, and well, just had too much inside of me that I was keeping shut in. We are living in a culture that has been passed down to us from father to son to new father to son etc. A culture of silence. Keep it all in, stay strong, don't open up to anyone. Brick after brick after brick, until a stronghold of a wall blocks off the feelings inside that need to be released.

In my previous blog, I realised the one way of lamenting of just telling God straight out of how I felt and why I did. And then waited to hear what He had to say. But in an angry way I guess. Listening to Rob Bell, opened my mind and heart that lamenting is all about getting the inside feelings out, the emotions and reality. This is not an easy thing to do, but for a healing process to occur it is a must. In his sermon (which you can download from www.marshill.org) he speaks about how the Western world is very emotionally inward focused (my words) as to the opposite in somewhere for example Israel, when someone they know from their town is killed, a funeral will take place with all the the townspeople....and with pure external emotions. I am sure you have watched on tv an Israeli funeral, and the emotions that are open for all to see. There is wailing, bending over in pain and sorrow, being carried by others because they cannot walk underneath the realisation of all that is happening. This is true lamenting. Not a quiet, sombre moment at a graveyard. This is not to say that the graveyard funerals are wrong or have no feeling. What I am saying is that the pain that is a direct outpouring from the heart is more open vocally in some cultures.

Watching Israel/Palestine funerals, and hearing Rob Bell speak so much truth, I realised I do not know how to fully open up and lament. To really sit down with God and just cry, let it out, open up the emotional passage from the heart to the outside I am in. I want to lament. It will be painful, but it will be emotionally healing. It may take a few hours or days, but I must not deny what I am feeling inside of me. This is not a dig at our upbringing, but as Rob Bell said, we are living in a culture of denial. Denying ourself of grief, denying ourself of issues within the family such as a pending divorce or a child lost to crime, denying ourselves of what we have been told to block and keep inside. This is nothing less than taking away a basic human right!

As Lamentations in 3:19-20a says, "The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss." If you speak to anyone in counsellling, grieving is a natural part of the process of dealing with anything of pain. In America, the government has just passed a law that no press/media are allowed to photograph/film the coffins of the US soldiers that are being returned from the war in Iraq. There are some practical reasons, but some of it comes out of the culture of denial. If we as a public do not see the coffins being moved from the plane that brought them from the war, then we do not have to grieve, let alone recognise that people have died. Fathers, brothers, sons. As I mentioned earlier, if this was Israel or Palestine, the noise of lamenting would be heard, crying out "Why why, my son is gone!" While for the most in the US and other similar cultures, the tears are inward and the loudest sounds heard is the gun salute for the lost. Two different cultures, but with the same pain. How can one be more outward emotionally, and the other more inward? I fall way more into the quieter culture, so it is a hard question for me too. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, for everything is relative. But one thing I have learnt from seeing footage, hearing the audible sobs and brokenness, that we as a society have something to learn. Louder or softer.

In many churches, the Theology of Lamenting is not taught. The Theology being that we are more than allowed to be angry at God, more than allowed to cry out, scream out what is hurting inside of us. The allegations that are not at all part of God, but need to be mentioned so that one can heal. The silent sobbing to the bitter lamenting. This is a culture I believe God wants. Not one that denies everything and bottles it up and covers it up with layer upon layer. God want us to be real, however we choose to show it to Him. I recently have shouted allegations at God that I knew God would not have done to me; but it did not matter because they were real to me. That was how I felt. I did at first believe that I can say things to God of how I really felt, in anger and frustration and pain; but then apologise because I know who God is and what He feels for me in His love and acceptance, and that He would never do what I had said He had done.

This kinda felt a little less real to me because I had gone to the plain painter's canvas and slapped red and yellow and orange all over it, with thick strokes and then thrown paint all over parts it. But then without me or God looking at it properly, I had quickly apologised and torn it down for a nice clean canvas again. But what God wanted was to see the full and fully exposed splashes and strokes of colour that I had made. He wanted to understand why I painted what I had; the slow movements over there, the harder strokes over there, and the dripping down areas of thrown paint in the middle. And bigger than that, He wanted me to see it and to address it to myself.

I really hope that makes sense. And please comment on it as I want to understand your views too. But yes, most definitely there is healing and positivity in God and in our healing process. The following verses after the aforementioned Lamentations book is this. "Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction." The writer Jeremiah continues, "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; THEREFORE I WILL HOPE IN HIM (emphasis mine.) God is always in the picture, within it all, and all He asks is that we are honest in our words to Him and honest in our feelings within ourselves. May we not be a generation that is quiet and in denial of what we are feeling towards God, others, ourselves.

This is the true "Learning to lament in a culture of denial." Lament. God can handle it.