Redeeming sounds of Easter

I was planning to title this blog "Pride comes before the pain" or "The redeemed life of Gareth J Moore" but the latter sounds like a Lemony Snicket movie style and the first well, it's true but there is so much more to understand from this blog. So "Redeeming sounds of Easter" covers it well I think. I recently found out on my blog that I can make chapters, as in a book per say. So it is very apt that I end this first chapter “Redemption songs” of my contiunig blogs, with a short story of what the chapter meant to me. It actually happened on Sunday, being Easter and that in Jesus’ resurrection the world was redeemed of it’s sin and pain. This is the absolute truth, and I knew this for the wider part, the world so to speak. But in a painful way I learnt the golden truth of what Jesus’ resurrection meant and the following redemption.

Pride is something that is like a chameleon, how it hides and pretends not to be in anything we do or are involved with. And then just when we think we have had it all worked, it appears ever so softly and smoothly. It is so easy to be unaware of pride until it is too late. I hit that wall, pride and pain, all in one on Sunday. My whole past week had been a hard one but a powerful one with my time with God and understanding things more than I knew I could. And just as I got to the point of fully standing tall after the week, bam…I got knocked off my feet. And pride and pain collided. I will not go into any details, but just to say that looking back on my week I had a sense of pride in myself and what I had achieved but to a point that I thought I had it all worked out and me and God were kicking it. Which we were, but my pride had blinkered my view. I could only see the greatness of what happened over the week and I must admit, without thinking I had gone into that scary place called “God mode.” If you have ever played a pc or playstation game that involves a quest for example, you can build your character up so much that he can get into a mode that just obliterates everything in front of him. But here is two lessons I learnt from this mode – Number one; God mode is normally only available through cheat code, which you type in and then you get the whole bang shoot. Number two – this mode can either blind your view of the game, allow you to take over the game but not really play it and…it sometimes can run out.

I hit the “God mode” on Sunday. I had the week of my life so to speak, one that I will remember and hold onto for hopefully my whole life. And on the Sunday, the Resurrection day of Easter, I hit the wall called pride, that nudged me onto sin and then the pain that followed. Definitely yes, the week was so big that Satan did not like it and wanted to see me wipe out, but also I feel that pride came and allowed me to trip up. And I am sure you will know, what pain feels like when you have hurt someone you dearly love. Me and God. I am not going into any details, it was not earth shattering but for me it was. And I felt like I had let God down, hurt him and our relationship, especially because it was Easter Sunday. That slight “God mode” built up over the week, and then the cheat/pride ended and I realised that things around me would bite and hurt me again. Pride is a vicious creature. Just like the chameleon but thinking back, it comes with thorns all over it. I understood when Paul speaks about “The thorn in his side,” meaning that we all have something that is there that will trip us up if it has the opportunity to do it. All it needs a little prod from Satan and the rest we do ourselves.

I realised too though, that I hit the floor not just because of pride but also because my week was such a good one spiritually. And in this, you are more open to a small push in the wrong direction and the double whammy. In a nutshell, one of my good friends dropped what he was doing and came round to pick me up so to speak. And in our talking, one thing stuck out so well for me, and wow, what a truth that I only fully took in now. Jesus had died, and been resurrected for that one reason – Redemption! Redemption for the world and redemption for me. In the place I was in. Right at that moment I realised where God was in all of this, and over the last few days I finally understood that God did not hate me, He did not hold anything against me, and yes our friendship was still there. Intact and ready for me to climb back onto.

The biggest thing I learnt was that no matter where we are at, Jesus has redemption waiting for us. Otherwise the resurrection would be meaningless. Ressurection goes hand in hand with Redemption. And this is on offer to everyone, not just the good people. In fact sometimes I feel it is on offer to the “bad” people even more. Where we feel that we have done the unforgiveable, or we are in place in life that we believe that no-one can love or accept ever….this is why Easter happened. Redemption. In the dictionary, “Redeem” is understood as follows (keep with me here)

▸ verb: convert into cash; of commercial papers
▸ verb: pay off (loans or promissory notes)
▸ verb: exchange or buy back for money; under threat
▸ verb: save from sins

Is that not awesome? Let’s look at, to be redeemed is “to exchange or buy back for money; under threat.” This is exactly what Jesus did for us; you and me. Our lives were and are still under threat from sin. We have an option to have the creator of earth, and ourselves, to become our personal friend and also to be someone who sits with us as we go through rough times. I still do not know how people can go through rough times without God. No idea. And going back to the verb of exchanging and buying back…Jesus bought us back in exchange with putting Himself on the cross with all of our sins. Look at all the verb explanations and you will see Jesus is in all of them.

And the greatest of them is the last one. Redeem is “saving from sins.” Jesus came to redeem our lives, pull us out of the dung and things that we struggle with, sin, things that block us off from a relationship with God. That’s why Jesus died on the cross and then resurrected 2 days later. For a redeemed relationship with God. This is why I now realise from my week and the past few days, that I am so lucky to know God and what Jesus did. He payed off my sins, exchanged my sins for His love and acceptance and saved me from myself. To have a life of knowing “why am I here on earth” and what happens after life ends. And to be able show God’s love to others in my actions, reactions and speech. And to know that even if I mess up, His love is unconditional and comes with a 100% amazing friendship, with the King of the Universe. I am so so lucky, blessed!

And this is why I must end this first chapter, singing the song of love that God has placed in my heart and showed me over the weekend. Not just for me to sing to myself. But to the world. Don’t let the song pass you by – the Redemption song. It is a beautiful sound; just take a moment to hear the words of Ressurection and Redemption resounding in the symphony of Jesus’ actions.

This is the Redemption Song. Listen to it all around you.

And it is so so beautiful.

Waiting with bated breath

Now. The day that separates the death and the ressurection of Jesus Christ. This is the evening when hopes are heard, hearts are listening, and that feeling of waiting...on breaths that are hanging. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. This is the night before the light. Before the resurrection. And even though we know that it will happen, we still lie waiting. Holding our breaths as if we have no idea what will happen tomorrow.

How is this possible? Marriane Williamson penned; "We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone." All creation is groaning, waiting on what will happen on Ressurection Day; Easter. Yes, this happened thousands of years ago, but I know for myself, I am waiting for tomorrow as if it was a brand new day holding the hope of every single person in this world. Easter has not arrived yet! We as the original disciples can live the rest of today and tonight not fully knowing what tomorrow may bring. Yes, we live our lives as Christians knowing that Jesus rose from the dead...but what I am trying to emphasise is that we should not take that for granted. The whole of this week was a build up towards Good Friday, and then heading into Easter. Good Friday was the day of brokeness, realisation of what Jesus had gone through in that week. He had lived that week as us, humans. Was he scared? Was he in pain? Was he in angst and unable to sleep? Yes! BUT YET He still went through it all, showing His humanity, even in the tears and cries before He was taken away to begin His walk to the cross.

What a saviour! And what a man. All in one. God and humanity. Today, going into early evening I am so aware that the wait is not over. The wondering and hoping for tomorrow's miracle is not yet over. We should not and cannot take Easter and Jesus' resserection for granted. Jesus' reserrection is the GREATEST thing that has ever and will ever happen. Jesus died and rose again for one reason. Us.

This weekend is the ending that began in the manger when Jesus was ..."born to maninfest the glory of God that was and is within Him." We dare not take this "middle day" for granted. Yes, we are waiting for what we already know has happpened, but we neeed to wait with baited breath for the first light of Easter day to hold in reverence what Jesus did for us. Then we can experience Easter day as a child, as if seeing Jesus for the first time. To meet with Him again, and in all the awe and passionate thanks that has built up over this past week, and throughout our whole lives, we see Him rise again in our lives. He has come to save the world, show His glory and become one with us.

So as Easter day approaches, hold onto this evening as children waiting for something they know is good. This precious evening, where faith and awe become greater than ourselves. "At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, so they walked in." (Luke 24:1-2)

Can we save ourselves?

Last night I watched a movie called “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.” I have not been so touched emotionally by a movie for such a long, as I was tonight.

The movie is about 2 boys from completely different sides of the tracks, and the hidden friendship that grows between them. The one comes from a rich well off background, while the other comes from a broken and lost one. One of them wears smart suits and expensive clothes that tie him to his father’s work, and the other boy’s clothing is nothing but blue and white striped “pajamas.” And he has not seen his father since he went off to work a few days ago. The first boy’s Father is a General in a ruling army, while the other boy’s Father is a watch maker. Both of the boys are eight years old but they are separated by one thing. Race. One comes from a English German background, while the other comes from a Jewish background. One destined to be protected by a brain washed community and one destined to be unprotected by their ethnicity. I will not tell you how it ends, but the movie will leave you stirred emotionally.

This move made me think of humanity and the atrocities that are done in the name of people who are brain washed into thinking their actions are right. We are the only species of Mammal that kills others for no reason at all. All others kill for living necessity. Why do we do this? Why Germany and the Jewish nation? Why Rwanda and cultural differences? Why America and Iraq? This is not a blog that will get too much into the politics and so forth; this is just a blog where I ask the question, why? The war between Israel and Palestine has been going on since Biblical times and now it is at a point where no-one knows why. The pain from all the above is felt by God, and if a movie pulls my heart, I just can’t imagine how God must feel when He sees His people attacking each other. Some even saying it is done in His name. In U2’s new cd, there is a song called “Get on your boots” which speaks about the mess that man has made of the world, so it’s time for the woman to take over and see how they do. Funny maybe? Truth maybe? There is no answer why people do such atrocities, fight in wars, use race or culture as reasons. All I know is that we are specie that needs help.

Even now, each one of us has the potential to hurt someone, even kill if not thinking. Sure, this is not an epidemic such as the above examples, but we need to address our symptoms of humanity. Anger, retribution, justice. Think of a car that’s just cut you off, a person who jumps the queue you have been in for 10 minutes. The thief who has broken into your car…this happened to me last week and as the thief ran off, without thinking I jumped into my car and searched for him all around the area. With one thought; seek and knock him off my bumper. I was not thinking, blind rage mixed with adrenaline – a very bad cocktail. I did not find him, and I drove back to the church where I was (yes, thieves don’t mind where the car is!) and I sat back in my chair, heart racing and realising that I could have done something stupid.

I go back to my point that we are a specie that needs help. All the help we can get. Because no amount of mortars, tank and gun fire, machetes and gases will stop blood shed. We cannot stop ourselves from destroying ourselves. In the movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” the alien is asked why he is here, why he has to wipe out humanity. His answer was, speaking about humanity, “If you survive, the earth will die. If you die, the earth survives.” I believe as a generation now, we have more and more responsibility for our actions, being it in business, politics, academics, wherever we can touch other people. We do not have the luxury of sitting back and watch things break apart around us. This generation is called to stand for what is right and protect our moral codes, our passion to see change in our countries, stop wars, atrocities, personal vendettas. How? This can start at grass root levels, with small things around us and affecting others. Think of it as a stronger level of the movie “Pay it forward.” But there is one thing we have to be aware of, and that is by ourselves as humanity, we have no chance to make the changes we need. In ourselves, others, countries and the earth we live on. One of the reasons we were put on earth was to protect it, and protect ourselves in the process. Are we doing this? We are a species that needs help, to help other our earth species. And the only way we are going to achieve this is by realising we need help from the creator of all species of life, God.

We are not here just by chance for a short term life where we can please ourselves, look out only for ourselves and then one day just die. For what? And where to after we die? What is going to be written on our gravestones? Why did we live our lives; what did we do that is worthy to be engraved in stone? We are not here just to do the school, study, white picket fence with a good job etc. If we were created by the King of all species, the King of the entire universe, would we not have a greater purpose than just the “9 to 5” life?

I can blog more on that later, but let’s realise (in the band Lifehouse’s lyrics), “We were meant to live for so much more.” This generation could very well be the one that changes humanity and history. Look past yourself and see a bigger plan than you have ever dreamt of. And the bigger person that holds it all - God. There is more to life than this. Let's take it on, and own this generation of hope.

Holding a star in my hand

Late last night I had such an amazing moment, a.... I will struggle to put this to words. While others were sitting watching tv, reading a book, or just hanging;

I was on top of the world. Not as a saying "I was on top of the world," but in the real sense. I was seriously on top of the world. I saw the earth from space. The lights turning into one slightly far off circular view of the earth that we know of it. Here is where you can be a sceptic if you would like, tell me I am talking nonsense and maybe was just not sleeping well. I probably would do the same. But I do not really mind what is thought of me; I just know what I saw and who I met.

I was sitting on top of a cloud with God next to me. What did he look like? I did not even look really; I just knew it was Him because I did. And sitting in His love. That was an amazing feeling. I could see earth below, to the point I know how it feels to see earth from space, as an astronaut. Just without any of the cumbersome NASA spacesuit. I cannot even begin to describe to you what I felt, and still do. The expanse around me...was just...wow. Takes your breath away until you feel you can't breath because of the realisation that you are in space, the enormity of the galaxy. I could see stars upon stars, comets continuing their flickering path past earth. The minute lights coming from earth. And just taking it in. As best as I could hanging over the cosmic depth of beauty. His Glory.

God then put His hand inside a soft velvet bag, and drew out a handful stars and then tossed them into the open sky. They spread out, causing what could only be called a cosmic firework. The beauty of it just made me sit, in awe. The beauty, the colour. Take one of man-made's best fireworks and think of it as nothing. For this was not a man-made firework. This was a heavenly firework made for one thing; to show God's glory. He threw another handful of stars down towards earth and it formed itself into a tight bunch and flew past Earth in one giant flash of fire. A comet that we see once in awhile and do not fully take in. He offered me a handful of stars;I held a star in my hand; green, it was alive and it danced in open hand. Looking at me, I somehow knew it was a baby star in all of it's excitement as it danced not for me, but for it's maker. I heard God name it "Darkey"...called to be a bright light within the darkness. As it heard it's name, it looked at me and then shot straight up, small star flakes falling around it. And then another star was born. Everything out there, from the earth with us and nature, the vast expanse of the stars, all out there for one and only one reason. To show off God's Glory.

We played a game "Guess the Country" where He would place his finger on the earth that was now a bit closer. He would close His eyes and guess, and as the game continued the earth became closer, guessing towns, building growing and guessing cities until we humans zoomed in to myself and God's view. He would put his finger on every person, and as they were touched they glowed a different colour to the person next to them. He named them by name, every one. He knew us, showing that we were individuals and He definitely knew us by name.

Earth pulled away, and He began to name some of the stars around us. I asked Him what had been on my heart for years, "Am I a friend of Yours?" He looked at me and said "Why else would you be up here?" He chuckled. I felt like a kid with God, but not a in a non-mature childish way. But a kid in the recognition of His splendour. I think that's why God wants us to be like children. To be able to recognise His splendour. Not to overthink or over question. Just to realise who God is, His love for us as a Father. And that all He makes is for His Glory. No other reason.

And then I fell asleep and woke up where I began. On the floor, in my house. But so aware of where I had been, and where I knew no-body could make me doubt. I had been with God last night in a physical way and I know that my life will never ever be the same again. Never.

By the way, the photo above is of a string of galaxies. One string...of many and many strings showing off God's Glory to the next string of galaxies. And the next, and the next, and the next. We are God's Glory. May we shine brighter than any star high above us. For His Glory. For His Glory.

"Learning to lament in a culture of denial."

"Laments expose the dangerous truths we're inclined to suppress."




Wow. I have to back for awhile and try and take that in. Wow Earlier yesterday evening I was listening to a teaching by Rob Bell on a topic called "Learning to lament in a culture of denial." I listened to it because of a recommendation by my mentor, because I realised I still had not fully dealt with things with me and God. I was still angry, hurting, and well, just had too much inside of me that I was keeping shut in. We are living in a culture that has been passed down to us from father to son to new father to son etc. A culture of silence. Keep it all in, stay strong, don't open up to anyone. Brick after brick after brick, until a stronghold of a wall blocks off the feelings inside that need to be released.

In my previous blog, I realised the one way of lamenting of just telling God straight out of how I felt and why I did. And then waited to hear what He had to say. But in an angry way I guess. Listening to Rob Bell, opened my mind and heart that lamenting is all about getting the inside feelings out, the emotions and reality. This is not an easy thing to do, but for a healing process to occur it is a must. In his sermon (which you can download from www.marshill.org) he speaks about how the Western world is very emotionally inward focused (my words) as to the opposite in somewhere for example Israel, when someone they know from their town is killed, a funeral will take place with all the the townspeople....and with pure external emotions. I am sure you have watched on tv an Israeli funeral, and the emotions that are open for all to see. There is wailing, bending over in pain and sorrow, being carried by others because they cannot walk underneath the realisation of all that is happening. This is true lamenting. Not a quiet, sombre moment at a graveyard. This is not to say that the graveyard funerals are wrong or have no feeling. What I am saying is that the pain that is a direct outpouring from the heart is more open vocally in some cultures.

Watching Israel/Palestine funerals, and hearing Rob Bell speak so much truth, I realised I do not know how to fully open up and lament. To really sit down with God and just cry, let it out, open up the emotional passage from the heart to the outside I am in. I want to lament. It will be painful, but it will be emotionally healing. It may take a few hours or days, but I must not deny what I am feeling inside of me. This is not a dig at our upbringing, but as Rob Bell said, we are living in a culture of denial. Denying ourself of grief, denying ourself of issues within the family such as a pending divorce or a child lost to crime, denying ourselves of what we have been told to block and keep inside. This is nothing less than taking away a basic human right!

As Lamentations in 3:19-20a says, "The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss." If you speak to anyone in counsellling, grieving is a natural part of the process of dealing with anything of pain. In America, the government has just passed a law that no press/media are allowed to photograph/film the coffins of the US soldiers that are being returned from the war in Iraq. There are some practical reasons, but some of it comes out of the culture of denial. If we as a public do not see the coffins being moved from the plane that brought them from the war, then we do not have to grieve, let alone recognise that people have died. Fathers, brothers, sons. As I mentioned earlier, if this was Israel or Palestine, the noise of lamenting would be heard, crying out "Why why, my son is gone!" While for the most in the US and other similar cultures, the tears are inward and the loudest sounds heard is the gun salute for the lost. Two different cultures, but with the same pain. How can one be more outward emotionally, and the other more inward? I fall way more into the quieter culture, so it is a hard question for me too. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, for everything is relative. But one thing I have learnt from seeing footage, hearing the audible sobs and brokenness, that we as a society have something to learn. Louder or softer.

In many churches, the Theology of Lamenting is not taught. The Theology being that we are more than allowed to be angry at God, more than allowed to cry out, scream out what is hurting inside of us. The allegations that are not at all part of God, but need to be mentioned so that one can heal. The silent sobbing to the bitter lamenting. This is a culture I believe God wants. Not one that denies everything and bottles it up and covers it up with layer upon layer. God want us to be real, however we choose to show it to Him. I recently have shouted allegations at God that I knew God would not have done to me; but it did not matter because they were real to me. That was how I felt. I did at first believe that I can say things to God of how I really felt, in anger and frustration and pain; but then apologise because I know who God is and what He feels for me in His love and acceptance, and that He would never do what I had said He had done.

This kinda felt a little less real to me because I had gone to the plain painter's canvas and slapped red and yellow and orange all over it, with thick strokes and then thrown paint all over parts it. But then without me or God looking at it properly, I had quickly apologised and torn it down for a nice clean canvas again. But what God wanted was to see the full and fully exposed splashes and strokes of colour that I had made. He wanted to understand why I painted what I had; the slow movements over there, the harder strokes over there, and the dripping down areas of thrown paint in the middle. And bigger than that, He wanted me to see it and to address it to myself.

I really hope that makes sense. And please comment on it as I want to understand your views too. But yes, most definitely there is healing and positivity in God and in our healing process. The following verses after the aforementioned Lamentations book is this. "Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction." The writer Jeremiah continues, "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; THEREFORE I WILL HOPE IN HIM (emphasis mine.) God is always in the picture, within it all, and all He asks is that we are honest in our words to Him and honest in our feelings within ourselves. May we not be a generation that is quiet and in denial of what we are feeling towards God, others, ourselves.

This is the true "Learning to lament in a culture of denial." Lament. God can handle it.

K/O

Just before I continue, know in advance this is not a happy blog! Yesterday was quite a well, let's just leave the expletives alone for now :) Just to say, it was a 3 by 3 day. I have not really believed or gone into the idea that if something rough happens, sometimes 2 more things come along. Hence the 3 in one day thang. I had my car broken into, did not get a job I really wanted, and finances not great and it's the 31st. So as I write this, I try really hard to dig down and find something amazing or hugely positive to pull out of this. I can't. That's it. But hey, this is life. As a friend of mine said last night - It is what it is.

By now whoever has been drawn into reading my blogs (brave people you!), knows that I am a Christian. I am passionate about God, I know He exists and loves me fully. Unconditionally. But at times like this, I have learnt that God wants me to be real. In all of this, I can be real. With the King of the Universe. And I was. I told Him what I felt about Him, what I wanted, what I needed, what I believed in. And God did not come down and smack me with a lightning bolt. I sat in my parked car, seat rolled down and legs on the dashboard, looking out into the moody dusk. I sat, talked, called out, listened...and was real. I thought I could not say certain things to God, things that asked God deeply about where I was. Deep and real things. Real..... I knew I could not leave the car until I was exactly that. Real with Him. And while I did, He listened, talked to me and took my angry and confused questions. Without hitting back. This is a God that I need. Not one that would turn His back on me, not one that would erupt my car into flames for even talking to Him. No - I needed the only God in this Universe. My creator; your creator.


As I write this, I realise writing is so freeing. There is another word...but I can't get it right now. If you know it, let me know. Basically allows thoughts out that you did not realise they were part of you until you read back on them. Just realising that God is a compassionate God that will take our pain, anger, fears and whatever else we throw at Him. Takes it. Accepts it. And is just there for us. God's love for us is something I cannot understand. Sometimes I selfishly dont want to but mostly it blows my mind. But even with all this staring me in the face, I don't fully get it! Why? 'cos I be a human and I see what I see and take in what I want. I try not to be selfish in my relationship with God, but life happens and stuff like yesterday muddies it. But what is freeing is that I know it's ok to feel the full emotives I feel. Because God wants us to be real. Good or bad.

I think what I am trying to say is that being a Christian does not mean always keeping the smiley face to everyone and the happy words to God. It means being real. And then trying to work through the stuff. Something tho I did not think of until now, and that is how amazingly awesome it is knowing the only God in the Universe. It is awesome because even tho how big He is, He still allows us to talk freely to Him in our joys and pains. In calm and angst. In the way I have and do right now. Sits right next to me in my dusk shadowed car. And amazingly, He does not hold it against us. How much more of a God do you want?

Redemption and Walt Disney

Someone once said, "Every movie has a redemptive quality, no matter how harsh the material." "Basically, every movie is about redemption." Now that's a hard view to follow into a blog with. Makes for good thinking. Let's try it for a minute. Disney movies .... definitely redemptive. I mean, Nemo finds his Dad, Fender in Robots finds all lost and damaged parts and gets them put together, and "Boo" in Monsters Inc. finds her way home even when surrounded by danger and fear.


But what about the scarier movies; the dramas like "Sand and Fog", the thrillers like "The Brave One" and the horrors...I can't think of one cos they scare the bajeebers out of me. In life tho, we are faced with the same questions. Is our life, our day to day existence aout redemption? In the drama, thriller and horrors of it? Or just about the "Boo" days when you get to be in safe arms or Nemo when you finally find what you thought was lost? Life is all about choices, the ones we make and others draw us into. We can never say that anything we do is without a choice. If we go buy a cheaper brand of milk that goes off in a day; if we drive down the highyway way over the speed. All was choice and both will change lives....just a lot less with sour milk ofcourse. My point is this - we cannot blame God that He is injust, unkind or unknowing. He gave us choice otherwise we are a robotic nation as in "I-Robot." In all the good and bad out there is the hope, no the assurity that our lives are about redemption. In all we do, redemption shines through. Life is not too short to live it with hope, direction and a meaning. Coming out of a sickness, redemption has shown through in many ways in my life. Even if I cannot see it, see God, redemption does not stop it's flow of freedom.

Have the assurance that you have can redemption - realising it is a choice. Even if your life is a Disney movie or a Ron Howard movie full of comedy and drama. Just as long as you are feeling, and realising that (in the local Afrikaan's dialect) "More is nog n' dag. Tomorrow is another day.

And that freedom is strongly interlocked into the word Redemption.

Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama

Having preparation done is never a bad thing. In fact I can't really work out where it is bad. Well maybe in an unprepared public speaking debate... Seriously, today was a big interview for me and one that I really wanted to do well in. Most of my previous interviews I had not really prepared for, studied up on the company's background etc. But today's one was different. Why? The old adage of "If you want something badly, you will have to earn it."Last night I was up literally studying all of the printed pages of the company's mission statement, what they did, what they sold and why. I felt like I was back in High School, cramming for an important exam. I was focusing solidly on the interview tomorrow and a late night became the necessity. It got to a point tho, that I would look at all the info too much and panic that I would not remember it at all. So after realising this was not healthy, I left it and went to sleep, leaving the rest for tomorrow to handle.

Today, the interview was coming and I had put enough info in my cranium that I could probably take over the world, but even with it all I did not feel totally ready. I was just not at peace. So I spent half an hour before going to the interview with God, reading about His peace and guidance. Then I drove off into the sunrise...well actually it had been up for awhile, but for me 9:30 in the morning is sunrise :) The interview? How did it go? Amazingly. At peace and feeling at home. I had a few good questions thrown at me, out of the blue, but I somehow managed to get the answers that I think they liked. But there was one question that just made me stop and try and think hard - "Who are 2 of your role models?"

First thought that came up was "me" - a natural obvious answer! :) But within 10 seconds, two role models came to mind. Two that I had not thought of for awhile about, not realising they would pop into my head at that point when I needed it. Honestly, all I was thinking of was "Do not say Nelson Mandela or Barack Obama. Do not say Nelson Mandela or Barack Obama." (I wonder how many people before me had said those two?) My two role models were Richard Branson (the amazing entrepreneur) and Rudy Giuliani (inspirational, motivator, people's person, in office when 9/11 happened) who just for interest's sake was the 107th mayor of New York ;) Both fascinating people, and both EXACTLY what I needed to say this morning. Some will call it lucky, but I know it was God. I had prayed for wisdom and at the right time, the right role models came to mind. Amazing :)

I prepared for something that humanly I could only do, but when I look back at the interview today, I am so aware of the guidance and wisdom that only God could have given me. Mandela and Obama were just not going to get the prize today. Preparation is great, but when the testing phase arrives, this is where one needs help bigger than ourselves to get us through. Where God can take the ordinary question, and turn into an extraordinary answer.

God is not a secret. In fact, He is the greatest role model one could have. Even if He suggested Branson and Giuliani for the interview :)

Thank you for saving my life

"Thank you for saving my life."
These words were said at the end of the beautifully made movie "Lady in the water," by one of my favourite directors, M Night Shyamalan. (If you want to watch the movie first, do that and then read this blog!)) These simple words ended the movie, and held such power, grace and unbelievable synopsis of the whole movie. These few words were so emotive in their saying, that you could not help being swept up in the emotion of it all. Why are these six words so prefound?

In the above mentioned movie, the landlord is holding onto a lady that he has to let go, so she can return to her home. I wish I could show you a clip, but in essence he is thanking her for letting him see that his life needed healing and purpose and in her actions throughout the movie, she had allowed him to deal with the past pains and realise life was open again to breathe in. "Thank you for saving my life." This was not a statement from someone who was saved by being pushed away from an oncoming bus. This was a statement that held all his life in it. I think we need to realise the two differences. I definitely want to be saved from an oncoming bus, have my parachute open when I skydive, have someone holding the rope down below as I rock climb BUT I feel I want to rather be like the man in the movie who said (and here in my words)

"Thank you for letting me see how held back I was by so many things in my life. My hurts, anger, resentmets, scars and disapointments in me and my life." Coming to a realisation that life is something bigger than me, and that the healing can begin inside.

"Thank You for saving me." Think about that one - and get saved from an oncoming bus later.

Losing Focus in a Moment

While spending time with a friend of mine last night, I had an epiphany about life. And straight from the powerful mode of PlayStation ;) Yup, its not just fun and games. And it was not even Wi brain game. So brands aside, we were playing soccer and yes I got beaten 6 to 4, but my friend said a good point. He said, it just takes a moment to lose focus and you lose some valuable grasp on the game. This made me think about it in a life view.




Sometimes it can just take a small moment of lost focus and something creeps into your mind for example, or time or love....put what you will in that space, and if this happens to many time, too fast then the slope gets a lot faster and slippy slide down. I have found this with my time with God. When I struggle to find work, or emotions take the better of me, I take some focus off from where I should be with God, and can do some stupid things, things I know I should not be. You know that tugging little voice in your head (no, not the one thats called Jack and wants to be a barman), that some will call "conscience" and others will call the Holy Spirit. Before that freaks you out, let me try and understand it with you. The Holy Spirit is a part of God, is Him and is part of his spirit so to speak. And in church right now, we are praying for more of Him to come and pour out in our spaces.

My loss of focus recently cost me a powerful morning at church that had God come and heal, yes fully heal from small and big things. God is real!! Anyways, my loss of focus was that I chose not to go that morning to church. Not because I was a rebel (well not anymore than now), but because I was a bit wasted...I mean tired ;) and I wanted to rest the whole of Sunday. I did, but my loss of focus caught me missing something that shook the church. But not all services are like that, not all times with God are like that. But that is where we need to push in harder. Do I do this? Not much lately. God is still God tho, and has more when we step into His time. We had a time of teaching today, and we had a broken down way of spending time with God. Kinda like the "how to spend time with God." Yes, we can all do that in any way in the day, but this was a direct way of making time with God a priority. I just loved it when the speaker said, "if you love someone and want a stronger relationship with them, you prioritise time for them." How much bigger is this for God? I suck at this so far, but after today I am going to actively pursue this. Just maybe not early in the morning like was proposed - God sometimes also likes a lie in ;)




What if you are not a Christian I hear one or more ask? That's ok. Hopefully you are reading my blogs, not for my sake but for a different view on life. I was speaking to a good friend in the US just now (kick off those spur high heels girl,) and her point was hey, Christians can also have crappy days. Still does not change God. It's kinda cool knowing that no matter what we do, God does not change. He does not have a shock button, that turns him off if we shock others and ourselves. No no, not a power shock anyone out there thinking and silently laughing at me. The basics of it, is just asking God to show Himself to you. Nothing else needed. No special prayer or smelly inscence or dance around a fire....altho dancing around a fire is fun. Just not naked - it burns. God is ready and waiting to speak, we just have to ask. That's why He is a gentleman. Hey, if you are angry at Him because you lost someone in your family, mad at Him because you lost a job or a relationship...that's ok. God is a lot bigger and broad shouldered than we think. I have been irritated, angry, sad, with God but He still loves me and walks with me in a full embrace. Even if I can't fully feel it.

After the meeting today I went to a friend's house to play around with some song ideas, put down some chords and see what happened. Well, I brought about 3 chords and we started playing around with them. And then kinda like the 3 fish and 5 loaves, out came a song that morphed a few times into what we thought was a great first song we had co-written. I am proud of it, and watch out for it on Youtube...;) My point is that God can take whatever we have in our hands and slowly morph it into something that surpasses all our thoughts and desires. I just think we pre-conceive God's actions; like me and my work situation. I still do not have a job, and for the life of me I don't understand why not but my Dad keeps on hearing God saying He has something special for me. I just need to forget the past nasty interviews, and let God do what He does; lead. I struggle with that because I like to feel angry at life or be a baby sometimes in my emotions, and not let God in them. Use them, lead them. Control them. Not because I am a robot, but because if God is my life and direction, I need to give up more and more of my control for He knows what is best for me. Even if now; I really am struggling to see that. Hey - reality faces all of us :)

So in finishing this blog, I have to spend more time with God. Interviews or not. Happy or not. Because I know in my heart that I will hear more from him, and fall more in love with Him. And my focus will be turned more and more towards Him. And in that, is a good reason to wake up earlier and spend an hour or so with Him. Just gotta try keep my eyes open ;)

Oh...I have an interview on Monday :) I will keep you posted!

G

Life is a Remedial Walk

Life is a remedial walk. Let me explain. Being in a remedial class is where one is taught in a slower fashion but at times in a more creative way, and in this way the learning becomes easier and more understandable. Such is life. Many times it feels almost slowed down to a dull halt, a quiet wait for nothing. But in these times, we are somehow being taught something. Well, I like to try and think so! Many times it is in creative ways around us that we take for granted; like spending time with a friend at a cafe, cigar in one hand and a drink in the other. And not having to pay due to the kindness of the friend. I spent some time with a friend last night; having a cigar, which I do not do often but hey, was a rough day/2 weeks and I had had that interview that hit me in the soul.

So going back to the cigars and friendship. We spoke about the work situation, and then our conversation moved into other areas of our lives and by the end of the evening I left with other hidden issues to deal with. Love and loss, work and how to handle not having it, and lots of good laughs and a feeling of being. Within this time, I was learning how to get back into living so to speak. Not to try and understand it all in one shot, but to do it day by irritatingly slow and emotional day. Not having work robs you of a God-given thing in life. Work. As mundane as it may feel, we were made to work, to exert energy from our craniums and to see it as part of life but not all of it. I still have to get there, I have another interview on Monday, but my point is that work is part of life and we need to be doing it because it adds and feeds our souls. Trust me on this; having no work definitely does not feed but it takes. And yes, work is part of life but is not all about life. But hey, it definitely helps and no matter how one feels about their job, it is a neccessity for your soul to grow. Perioud.

Smoking a cigar is a remedial thing too. I think I must have re-lit mine over 5 times at least in the flickering light of the oil based candle. Definitely did not look like a pro, even when I tried and almost burnt my eye brows off! Learning how to light it, how to keep the flame alive in the cigar and how to wet the bottom of the cigar so as not to suck in flaky cigar...that's a skill ;) But when one understands it, and masters it, you can puff away with glee and pride! I know, maybe not the greatest analogy but you get my point. As one of my mentors once said "Life is a process." Simple, painful to hear sometimes, but a statement of understanding nonetheless. Life is a process, a slow, sometimes painful, sometimes blind walking one, but in the end it is an exciting one. I am not yet at the exciting part, but I know that it is out there. I just gotta hold on to the day that I have, and push on with the "process."


So next time you hear the word "remedial," realise we are all on that learning curve. One which will be easier to graspe if we just understand that it is all part of the process of life. Not the circle but the highs and lows, the ascents and the descents. Take a puff of life and realise it is not all that bad. It just seems to be sometimes within the smoky haze.

The Journey begins

I met with my life coach this past week, someone who can guide my thoughts and goals/desires/dreams for my life and my "homework" was to put my thoughts down on "paper." I just chose the more convenient way of the internet see through paper, so welcome to my life ;) My daily blog is more of a look at life, rather than a look at me. Please read and give me some feedback, so I can learn even more about myself and the whole movement of life ;)



Finding a job is always hard, recessions or not. When you apply for one, receieve the call for an interview, get yourself in some sort of readiness and then go to the interview; you do not expect an instant rebuttal without even being allowed to share yourself with the people only seeing your clothes and white pieces of paper called a CV. This happened to me today, and for the soul it is quite a smack. It hurts, makes you want to roll into ball and act like a hedgehog - prickly and making sure no-one comes too close to see the real emotions.

I ask myself while writing this first blog of probably a few more; where do we go when life does not direct you anywhere? When life burns, when it seems empty and has no horizon but empty sky. You feel like a Grand Piano that is so beautifully crafted, made specifically for a reason, every key marked with the finger prints of our Maker, but no-one wanting to play it. You know you have got so much to say, so much music to create, so many people to impact and impart emotions, so many faces to make smile and hearts to love...but no-one seems to want to open the piano and slowly play.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I am waiting to be played; to create a new symphony that has never been heard before. To draw in the right woman to marry, to play a beautiful song that resonates throughout my family, my work, my life. My everything. "In my life, Your will be done." And this makes me ask myself, with all my failures, pain, anger, loss of direction so many times, who are we that God is mindful of us. Mindful of me. A God who owns the Universe, holds it in His hand...a God who takes time to come down and be with me 24/7. If I feel Him or not. If I shout at life or not. If I want to live or not. If I want to run away from it all, leave all behind and visit foreign places that I want to be engulfed in forever. God does not care; I know him as a "Job" God who cares enough that I don't die, that I don't lose everything. A "Jonah" God that will call me back to where I may not want to be, but where He wants me to be - because He has something that I need.

That's really it. He has something that I need. I do not know what it is, and may not want to be around for a heart to heart...but one thing I do know is that He has something for me. And because He is good, it will be right. I just have to hold on; and ask myself the question that opens up miracles -

Who is man that God is mindful of him?