Sometimes it can just take a small moment of lost focus and something creeps into your mind for example, or time or love....put what you will in that space, and if this happens to many time, too fast then the slope gets a lot faster and slippy slide down. I have found this with my time with God. When I struggle to find work, or emotions take the better of me, I take some focus off from where I should be with God, and can do some stupid things, things I know I should not be. You know that tugging little voice in your head (no, not the one thats called Jack and wants to be a barman), that some will call "conscience" and others will call the Holy Spirit. Before that freaks you out, let me try and understand it with you. The Holy Spirit is a part of God, is Him and is part of his spirit so to speak. And in church right now, we are praying for more of Him to come and pour out in our spaces.
My loss of focus recently cost me a powerful morning at church that had God come and heal, yes fully heal from small and big things. God is real!! Anyways, my loss of focus was that I chose not to go that morning to church. Not because I was a rebel (well not anymore than now), but because I was a bit wasted...I mean tired ;) and I wanted to rest the whole of Sunday. I did, but my loss of focus caught me missing something that shook the church. But not all services are like that, not all times with God are like that. But that is where we need to push in harder. Do I do this? Not much lately. God is still God tho, and has more when we step into His time. We had a time of teaching today, and we had a broken down way of spending time with God. Kinda like the "how to spend time with God." Yes, we can all do that in any way in the day, but this was a direct way of making time with God a priority. I just loved it when the speaker said, "if you love someone and want a stronger relationship with them, you prioritise time for them." How much bigger is this for God? I suck at this so far, but after today I am going to actively pursue this. Just maybe not early in the morning like was proposed - God sometimes also likes a lie in ;)
What if you are not a Christian I hear one or more ask? That's ok. Hopefully you are reading my blogs, not for my sake but for a different view on life. I was speaking to a good friend in the US just now (kick off those spur high heels girl,) and her point was hey, Christians can also have crappy days. Still does not change God. It's kinda cool knowing that no matter what we do, God does not change. He does not have a shock button, that turns him off if we shock others and ourselves. No no, not a power shock anyone out there thinking and silently laughing at me. The basics of it, is just asking God to show Himself to you. Nothing else needed. No special prayer or smelly inscence or dance around a fire....altho dancing around a fire is fun. Just not naked - it burns. God is ready and waiting to speak, we just have to ask. That's why He is a gentleman. Hey, if you are angry at Him because you lost someone in your family, mad at Him because you lost a job or a relationship...that's ok. God is a lot bigger and broad shouldered than we think. I have been irritated, angry, sad, with God but He still loves me and walks with me in a full embrace. Even if I can't fully feel it.
After the meeting today I went to a friend's house to play around with some song ideas, put down some chords and see what happened. Well, I brought about 3 chords and we started playing around with them. And then kinda like the 3 fish and 5 loaves, out came a song that morphed a few times into what we thought was a great first song we had co-written. I am proud of it, and watch out for it on Youtube...;) My point is that God can take whatever we have in our hands and slowly morph it into something that surpasses all our thoughts and desires. I just think we pre-conceive God's actions; like me and my work situation. I still do not have a job, and for the life of me I don't understand why not but my Dad keeps on hearing God saying He has something special for me. I just need to forget the past nasty interviews, and let God do what He does; lead. I struggle with that because I like to feel angry at life or be a baby sometimes in my emotions, and not let God in them. Use them, lead them. Control them. Not because I am a robot, but because if God is my life and direction, I need to give up more and more of my control for He knows what is best for me. Even if now; I really am struggling to see that. Hey - reality faces all of us :)
So in finishing this blog, I have to spend more time with God. Interviews or not. Happy or not. Because I know in my heart that I will hear more from him, and fall more in love with Him. And my focus will be turned more and more towards Him. And in that, is a good reason to wake up earlier and spend an hour or so with Him. Just gotta try keep my eyes open ;)
Oh...I have an interview on Monday :) I will keep you posted!
G
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